i just had sex bonerless
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
