Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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