just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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