Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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