How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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