Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
