I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
