when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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