You're my little dorito
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
