so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
