y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
