He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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