I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
