I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
