worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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