Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
