I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
