I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
