Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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