well I can't set my house on fire every night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
