Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
