i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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