Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
love makes seman taste better
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
