found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
