I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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