I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
