Someone shit on the floor
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
