Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
