Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
