I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have peed in a lot of sinks
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
