I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
