I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
