so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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