did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
