i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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