he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
