I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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