You just made me feel so damn special
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
