party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
