what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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