After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
