Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
