Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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