is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
