Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
