Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The uberlube is also flammable
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Holy sore nipples Batman
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
