I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
