Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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