and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
