??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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