i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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