you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
