he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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